Martin_Portfolio_IntroductoryDraft

The writing class I took this year at DU helped my writing in many ways. First, I had to learn about the different assignments and the formats they adopted. I also had to learn how to conduct the research of the projects and more importantly how to interpret them on paper. The first paper we wrote, a text-based paper, was scribed on an issue of fire and brimstone in Denver, Colorado. Of course I am speaking of medical marijuana. The goal of this paper was to explain and take a stance on a local issue in Denver. We were to support and provide dissonance from our topic by utilizing scholarly sources from the area. The paper entitled Denver’s Dispensaries: Medical Marijuana in the Mainstream describes medical marijuana’s rise to being a part of mainstream media. Throughout the paper, I offer different scholarly opinion on medical marijuana from its history in Denver. Sources drawn from the Denver Post definitely offer insight and context for the how the medical marijuana industry look today. This paper helped me learn how to use sources to my advantage. It also taught me how the use of sources that don’t support your topic can help you out in establishing ethos with your reader. Additionally, this paper gave me insight on the medical marijuana industry in Denver and how it has changed over the past couple of years. This essay is a qualitative study performed on the University of Denver student body. I believe that at the University of Denver, medical marijuana is an issue of importance. Living in a city like Denver, means students are exposed to a variety medical marijuana offices and dispensaries. I truly believe that this has a profound effect on the University of Denver. And since many students are in possession of a medical marijuana license, yet still cannot utilize their medication on the campus, I believe that they should have certain rights regarding their medication. I asked the University’s students about the topic and whether they felt a similar way. I assumed that the populace would be somewhat split, being that the school is divided roughly even with political affiliation. I picked a topic like DU’s drug policy because of its relevance to our campus and city. The city of Denver has been very progressive in its medical marijuana legalization and going to a University nearly surrounded by medical marijuana dispensaries can be influential among the student body. This topic also provides insight to the population of DU and the perception of Denver’s medical marijuana. Also, this can exemplify the nature of the “normal DU” students and their perception of the city and the school as whole and different entities. I was helped in many ways by writing this paper, mostly the use of explaining and using the data to support my topic. It also aided my writing because of the format we were to write in. By having a specific goal as to what to write in the IMRad format, I learned specifically about each and what was effective. The goal of the Google maps project was, in essence, to learn about and educate the Denver population about preferences on parks and exercise. However throughout my research, I realized that my preferences about park did not really mean much. I discovered that because a park may have more amenities than another means very little as to its attendance rates. Whether a park was geared toward the 13 year old skater, the 35 year old runner, or the 50 year old basketball player, each park did something to make the area healthier. The reason that it does so is because each environment provides and supports active exercise. Through my research, however, I discovered that the advancement of technology in your respective park may do more to aid the community, by attracting new visitors. The different spots we examined, all bring something different to the table, whether it be Cornerstone Park offering its skate park or Infinity Park offering a concert venue, they all have their attractions. The importance of researching this topic comes from America being one of the unhealthiest countries in the world. That being said, Denver is one of the healthiest cities, and our group wanted to specifically verify what factors drew people to certain parks rather than others and what these people actually did while they were there. The rationale behind this was to see whether outdated parks garnered the same response as newer parks, as well as, how many people utilized the park to its full potential. Overall, I feel like the experiment was successful and we learned a lot about the parks & recreation system of Denver and why it is regarded as the healthiest city. The best thing I took from this project was how to take data and interpret it. By having to visit each park and get opinions from the park goers, I learned how to map out what each person was saying. Additionally, I had to learn how those opinions should be observed, I think this was the most valuable lesson I learned that can be applied to other writing classes.

Westin_Underberger

The following is just a combination of my three process letters, and only partially reflects my introduction to my portfolio.

Dear Reader,

This project was all about using proper text-based research to create and construct a paper. Through using actual text, the paper becomes backed up by concrete facts, and solid sources to site the paper with. The specific topic to this research paper was focused on the legalization of marijuana and how this was a bad thing for the state and its residents.

Dear Reader,
This paper is about a study that was performed to see whether or not people that live outside the state of California hold a bias against the Los Angeles Lakers. As a student at the University of Denver, one of the most common quotes I hear around campus is: “Lakers suck” or “I hate the Lakers.” As a result, it has given me the idea to discover if people outside of the state of California are truly opposed to the Lakers. By surveying the population at the University of Denver, it will provide a greater insight on the opinions of the Lakers from a group of people that are not from the city of Los Angeles. It is my hope that the survey results will show me how ones hometown effects the feelings they have towards other teams.
I chose this topic because the city of Los Angeles is where I grew up, and upon hearing so much hatred and disgust towards the city and its basketball team, I have been extremely curious as to who are people that are Lakers fans, and whether or not it is a regional thing.
Sincerely,
Westin Underberger

Dear Reader,
The emphasis of this project was to highlight some of the top outdoor trails in Colorado that can be used for hiking, biking, and camping. At the start of the project, our group narrowed it down to a total of nine trails that depicted the ideal hiking or biking experience. Due to the fact that Colorado is a state mainly known for its outdoor activities, this made narrowing down the trails a bit difficult. In fact, Colorado has over 1000 miles of trails alone, including some that have been said to be among the likes of the world’s seven natural wonders. The ones that made the final cut are due to the amazing views, and natural beauty of the trails. None of the final trails are shown the map just because it is rated as a difficult trail. This guide is mainly for those who enjoy hiking and the outdoor world, but is not limited to anyone without previous knowledge of hiking or the outdoor world. While creating the project, the group was open to many suggestions and ideas. Some trails, which were extremely far in distance from the University of Denver were excluded due to the fact that mainly students at DU will see this map. Another revision due to comments from others is the mention of many popular trails that DU students hike and tend to enjoy. However most of the trails shown are accessible to DU students through the use of private or public transportation. Therefore, the trails are a direct reflection of our groups favorite places in Colorado.
Overall this project encompasses many trails and areas that any nature enthusiast will enjoy. The scenes of sheer beauty are eye-opening to many, and makes one truly appreciate the natural world for which they live in. I hope you enjoy.
Sincerely,

Westin Underberger

portfolio introduction- Sara Ach

The first paper I selected is a text-based research paper, the first essay that was assigned in my writing class this spring quarter. The assignment was to find an issue in Colorado or Denver, preferably by looking through recent newspaper articles, research that topic, and write an analytic research paper with the information found from conducting research on that subject. I found an article in the Denver Post about the juvenile justice system, concerning a debate that surfaced regarding the modification of a bill that was passed in 2006. The bill that was passed in 2006 stated that all juveniles sentenced to life in prison were eligible for parole after a certain period of time, and the current debate was regarding a new bill that, if passed, would extend the 2006 bill to all juveniles, not just ones sentenced after 2006. I intended for this essay to show the history of the juvenile justice system in Colorado, and demonstrate why it is wrong and should be changed. To show why it should be changed, I provided information and then analyzed it, showing the reader to costs and benefits of the Colorado juvenile justice system and describing how different laws do no benefit Colorado, but changing them would.
I began this assignment by researching and finding a topic that was of interest to me. Law and the justice system is intruiging to me, so when I came across the article in the Denver Post, I had found my topic. I struggled, though, in researching the Colorado juvenile justice system, and could not find many useful sources. I then knew that I had to expand my topic, so I began researching the juvenile justice system in general, and revised the make-up of my essay to coinside.
-process of writing
-what I did, where I struggled, how I fixed it, and peer revision
-what this paper demonstrates about my writing
-good
-bad that needs improvement, how I changed that through the revisions

Ryan Biondo

Our first project was a text-based research paper on a topic of our choice. I chose to research electronic music, and it’s history, as it’s becoming exponentially popular in modern music. I wanted to know where it began, where it’s come to today, and discuss the criticism of electronic music today. My research consisted of reviewing several educational articles about electronic music.
Since coming to DU, I have been able to freely explore the beliefs that I believe more identify with me, like Satanism, Zen Buddhism, Hinduism, and Atheism. The point of learning from other beliefs, is to gain more understanding of the entire human perspective, and help myself. I wanted to see how other people have changed their views (or not) since leaving their families and coming to DU. Our Google Map Project was based on the opinions of students, on issues that we take action on everywhere on campus. I contributed my research on the decent of religion in college students. Many people these days are atheists, and exploring many religions besides the very popular Christianity. So, I put together an interview that asked about people’s individual, and current beliefs. I also wanted to know about how they viewed the importance of such beliefs, and where they thought religion is standing today. Their individual accounts are compared to researched articles and studies. I'm interested in seeing people’s current religions, how people's current preferences differ from their past, and the tendency for the same age group, being more inclined to be not religious.
For the Google Maps project, I also researched a current issue on campus: the campus Penrose library’s decision to store 80% of the library’s books in an of campus warehouse, and making the Driscoll Ballroom the temporary library facility until a new library is built in place of the old one. Students and faculty have been outraged that they had no say in the decision. This project is intended for students, probably noticing the same trends of opinionated action around them.
My text-based paper could be significantly better. A major problem, is that I don't establish a very good focus on what the paper is actually about. Very much of the paper is about the history of music in general. This is useful information, in order to understand electronic music and it's history, and how it's gotten to this point. However, I spend much too much time unorganizingly going on about history. This isn't what the paper should be about at all. My paper is trying to be informative, but it has no purpose to argue any point, whether that be why there is so much critisism for electronic music, or why electronic music is booming in popularity in modern society. To fix these problems, I need to reorganize my paragraphs, especially the introductory paragraphs. They define my paper, and my argument. I also need to go in and strengthen my argument, and use supporting evidence.

Brendan Hickey

This map was created in order to show viewers some of the parks and trails available to visitors and residence of the Denver area, which can be used for hiking and biking. The essays in this project were created in order to give a brief overview of each location and what it has to offer. Outdoor activities are a great way for those in the Denver area to stay active escape the urban jungle and I figured that hiking and biking were the two activities that just about everybody can enjoy. I thoroughly enjoy outdoor activities on a regular basis in order to relieve stress get some exercise while having fun.

In order to create the map my group chose eight of the most beautiful and convenient parks around Denver. I chose to write about Lair O’ the Bear, Garden of the Gods, and Lookout Mountain since I had never visited these locations. At each location I either walked or biked through the entire park and took pictures, which would be shown on the Google, map. I also took notes of any significant features of each park. When creating the essays I researched some history of each location and included any significant events and facts in each summary.

This assignment was not without its challenges, the Google maps program would not allow me to collaborate with my group partners and edit my map. Therefore my work was submitted electronically. Also, without a vehicle, getting to and from each location was a challenge.

The I wrote this essay in order to review the effects of mountain pine beetle on several aspects of Colorado. The north west has been experiencing a pine beetle epidemic which has been destroying large populations of lodge poll pines, the destruction of these trees can have negative impacts on are environment and economy however some industries have benefited from the outbreak,

The second paper I wrote for this class was a qualitative piece that I wrote in order to determine how immigration should be dealt with in the United States. I found this working on this piece particularly challenging as it was the one form of writing I had not yet attempted in previous classes. I chose determine how best to deal with the issue by combining the information gathered from credible written sources and a questionnaire that I created in order to gauge the general populations opinions on the matter. When writing the piece, I combined the results of my questionnaire with my research to provide an overall view of what citizens feel should be done to improve the immigration policy.
Having little experience combining research with an opinionated survey I struggled to create a well-synthesized analysis.

Jennessa Lever Introductory Essay Rough Draft

For the text-based research paper, the first we wrote in WRIT 1133, as a class we were instructed to write about an issue taking place in Colorado. The assignment was designed for us to use scholarly text sources to obtain information and then present the information in a way that would be useful and interesting for the reader. For this piece I decided to right about the Gay Rights movement in Colorado. At the time, there were several articles from every point of view in the news. These were both helpful and informative. While writing the paper I was able to delve into the issues of Gay Rights in Colorado and see how they were different from the views of other places in the country particularly in New England, where currently, the majority of the states give full marriage rights to Gay Couples.

The Second paper we were instructed to write in this particular class was one of Qualitative Information. This information was to be gathered by the author, and presented in a way that informed the reader. This paper had to be focused on an issue within the DU community. For this particular project I chose to focus on the issue of Greek Life on campus. I was curious to see what participant’s opinions were about their future, and how it would be influenced by their Greek experience in college. Although I received a small number of responses, I was still able to use complimentary research to interpret the responses I did receive and come to an overall conclusion while writing the paper. This topic was of particular interest to myself because I have been considering joining Greek Life. These considerations compelled me to look farther into what Greek Life can do for me after college.

My first research paper in college was written for a class titled, “Introduction to Politics: Power and Justice.” We referenced a particular website and looked into how certain regions of the world trust one another. We looked into different correlations in the survey results from the website and drew conclusions based on the information we received solely from the website, and class materials. This essay went well for me, I received a fantastic grade, and also received good feedback. This however, was not a writing class, and thus the writing style and grading style of the class and its professor was different. They were looking for my understanding of the knowledge I had obtained in the class and how I related that into the writing, whereas in this particular writing class the students are being graded on how well they write and present the ideas, not so much the understanding of the topics being discussed in the paper.

Romero_InClass_Introduction

Introduction:
-introduce the class and the purpose of the class
-use the syllabus intro to explain how the issues we wrote about revolved around Denver
-how has my writing improved, point out a few things I have learned
-making a stronger analysis of my work based on data gathered
-using sources that add to my paper opposed to depending on them
-citation, something I struggled with and then revised it for the portfolio

Text Based Paper:
-write a process note for the original paper
-explain assignment
-what was my independent goal for writing this paper (my process note)
-explain the revisions for the paper and how this shows what I learned

Qualitative:
-explain assignment
- the purpose of my own essay, what did I want readers to learn?
-explain the revisions made to the paper and how they reflect what I learned
-How did the revisions from the first paper help me write the second paper and revise it on my own.

Google Maps Project:
-Explain the project
-include the purpose of my project, my groups intro will work for this
-go over the writing for this project and how it was different from the first two, how I revised it on my own

Conclusion:
-briefly go over the things I have learned in this class, and how my writing has changed.

Jeff Elliott-Portfolio draft

The first paper I chose was the first paper I was assigned in Writing 1133. This was a text-based research paper. The goal of this paper was to come up with a clearly stated research question to write on. Another criteria for this assignment was to discuss both sides of the argument rather than just the side we supported. For this piece of writing I decided to argue against the practice of “fracking” for natural gas. When first writing the paper I did manage to include both sides of the argument. However, upon revision I realized I needed to add more to and elaborate on the counterarguments to my own argument.

The second paper I chose for this portfolio was the Qualitative research assignment. In this assignment we were supposed to research and observe a phenomenon in the outside world. This was not to be a traditional research paper where I find sources on the Internet and just start to write. For this project I had to come up with survey questions and actually go out into the world to get my research for this paper.

The third paper in my portfolio is the Mapping the Local project. We did this using Google maps. The goal of the project was to map out a theme in the city of Denver. For our project we chose places to research where University of Denver students could access trails to do adventure activities like hiking and mountain biking. The readers being University of Denver freshman the purpose is to show these students how close and easily accessible these trails are.

For the writing process it started with my group and I visiting these areas. While there we hiked the trails observing our surroundings as well as the people using the trails. After we went to the places we sat down and started drafting our writings about each place. I went through a couple drafts at first to make sure my writings would match the assignment. I had to revise because my first few writings were more focused on background of the places and facts about them, rather than my own personal experience. To fix this I wrote these pieces as if I was writing for a newspaper or popular media to be more exact. This reworking my papers in this style helped me focus the papers more on personal experience, which is what the assignment required.

The in class work especially assisted me in the process of making this project. First of all learning how to make a Google map was especially helpful. As well as feedback from my peers that made me realize I had to write the sections based on my personal experiences. Another help was being able to ask individual questions to the professor. This being such an alien assignment it was difficult at first to grasp what needed to be done but after a class period or two of workshop and explanations, the assignment became clearer.

Bao Le - Final Portfolio Introduction Rough

The Qualitative essay included within this portfolio was the second project for the writing class. Personally, I was much more invested with this particular project than the text based one.

This essay was meant to examine the benefits or costs of not having a student center at DU. I approached this essay with the idea that DU’s students have coped with not having a student center but was relatively unsure about whether this was detrimental or not to student life in general. My main point is to come to a conclusion as to whether a more traditional student center is needed at DU or not.

This topic has always been interesting to me as a commuter student. There simply is no designated place for students to spend their times outside of classrooms or dorms at DU. So to gather information on to what other students think, I’ve designed a questionnaire to ask my fellow students: Where do they spend their time and why?

The questions asked specifically ask my fellow students whether or not they spend their time on one location and the benefits or cons to each of these locations. These are used to determine whether or not students that would utilize the services of a student center would actually be for or against the ideas of having such a building on campus. Specifically, are the locations that these students have created enough?

I’ve used this data plus the data from my observations as to where the largest population of students gathers outside of classrooms to see whether students have created their own makeshift student center locations. The combination of this data should allow me to see if students exhibit a need for a student center or not.

The next project that I performed in my writing class was a project performed in the online application Google Maps. While my previous essays were mainly directed towards specific audiences, this particular project was interesting since the audience was literally the Internet. Writing for a much broader audience made it so that my diction had to be much more broad and more suited towards laymen.

This project is something that is really interesting to me as a commuter student. Mainly because as a commuter student, it is really hard to figure out where everybody congregates outside of his or her dorms. The purpose of this map to me was to help students explore communities and social hotspots at the University of Denver so that they can achieve the total college experience.

While doing this project, I received lots of feedback as to areas that I should explore, which is great because it really helped me break my original idea that social communities are hard to find in small college campuses. However, I could not include all of these locations due to the simple fact of time and lack of experience in my part. Another interesting note is that a bunch of these hotspots seem to only be active during set times in the day and it was very hard figuring this out since they are very deserted outside of these set times.

Another interesting problem that I ran into was that for some odd reason, whenever I used word to write drafts and then copy them into Google maps, the formatting would get really crazy. This meant that to save time, I just typed everything into the Google map directly, but a lot of the information would not get saved. Because of these factors, I basically had to retype my information multiple times.

Even with all of these pitfalls that I have run into, this project was very enjoyable for me. It directly benefited me during my research to discover that you can be socially active at DU without having to actually live on the campus. It was also a very welcome break from just straight papers since a lot of picture taking, and informal interviews. (Which were not included in the work; take that IRB!) I hope you will enjoy this piece as much as I did, and help us break the myth that small campuses are not as social as our larger counterparts.

Natalie Roche - Portfolio Introduction rough

My name is Natalie Roche, and I am a student at the University of Denver. This quarter, I am in my last writing class of my freshman year, and I believe I've both learned the lengths it takes to write decently as well as how to improve my writing significantly in comparison to high school and the beginning of the year. The papers I selected were my text-based paper, qualitative essay, and google maps project (as of now). My text-based paper revolved around shyness in children and people's responses to this character, and how this was being handled in the city of Denver and Colorado area. I originally chose this idea because it was a subject I was interested in – child psychology. However, I think I had some trouble understanding what it meant to review a subject that had to do with a particular area. In this case, I think I could have expanded my topic more to have to do with Denver if I did have to keep it, or chosen something that was more locally-involved. I had never taken a class before where the subject matter had to do with people, in which case it was more like writing a newspaper article, and though I had some trouble grasping the concept at first, I think I fully understand now what it means to chose an appropriate topic when dealing with this kind of subject matter. In my revision, I hope to correct this to the best of my ability while still reflecting in my main idea. It may be difficult to use this statement, but now that I have a better idea of what it means to be a writer in this particular class, I also have a better idea of how can edit this piece.

The second paper, my qualitative essay, focused on school uniforms, the interviews of people's opinions, and the views of people in Denver as well as how it is being handled professionally in the state. At this point I was having a better understanding of this class's subject. However, writing a reflective essay was also new to me. I think I did work hard to gather decent information, present this information in my paper, and make comparisons to other professionals in the subject and how school uniforms affect students in Denver. However, I think something I need to focus more clearly on is making appropriate connections that will aid my thesis. This is something I hope to correct in the revised draft with help from a little more research and focusing on my skills as a writer.

The third assignment was not a paper, but a group project that involved creating a google map. Our group's focus was on-campus activities at the University of Denver. This was my favorite project so far because it was fun to collaberate with a group, learn more about our school, as well as take pictures and interview other students for their opinions of these activities. Putting this information in a google map was a creative and organized way of displaying our facts, and by this point I had the best idea of what it meant to write an article and focus on the class's subject. Though my understanding of writing a paper can continue to improve, I believe it has improved greatly over the course of my freshman year.

Kelly Terry_Introductory Essay Draft

Writing has never been my “forte.” I’ve always struggled with research papers and analytical writing… it was difficult for me to clearly organize my thoughts and put them onto paper understandably and confidently. However, my freshman year of college, and specifically this course, forced me to focus on my writing skills and develop as a writer. Granted, I still have years of work to do to become an “exemplary” writer, but I have improved immensely with my organization skills, my understanding of analyzing and using credible sources, and my time management skills. To demonstrate these qualities, I am including in my portfolio three pieces of writing from this year: “The Freedom to Choose,” “The Tipping Phenomenon and the Correlation Between the Perceptions of Servers and Students,” and “Christmas Lights: Holiday Spirit or Global Warming Contributor?.”

The first assignment of the year was a text-based research paper. The class was instructed to research a topic of interest and argue one side of an issue supported by researched evidence. I chose to research the controversial topic of abortion. I chose to argue the pro-choice side of this argument. However, even though I argued pro-choice, I provided my audience with information about the pro-life argument of the issue. I attempted to educate my audience about to the national controversial topic of abortion. Even though I provided a counter argument to my individual belief, I attempted to write in such a way that the reader is convinced by me to share the same beliefs.

The next piece of writing I will use to demonstrate the writing skills I've developed over the year is the qualitative research paper. For this assignment, we had to be the primary researchers for our paper. We had to use observations, interviews, and other forms of research to prove or disprove our hypothesis. I chose to study the restaurant business and the servers in this industry.

Rosen_Portfolio_IntroductionDraft

Dear Reader,
Throughout the Writing 1133 course, I think I have developed as a writer in a few different aspects. I think I have developed as a writer because our instructor forced us to become more independent and rely less on his opinion or critiques. In order to show my strides in writing, I chose a few essays that illustrate my improvements. The essays I chose to present are a text based essay and a qualitative essay from Writing 1133, and a rhetorical analysis of a video game from a previous writing class. I specifically chose a rhetorical analysis because I think it shows a much different aspect of my writing, and also illustrates improvement in my writing from earlier in the year.
The first paper I wrote this quarter was a text based essay. In order to effectively write this essay, I had to answer a underlying research question, and textual support those claims. When I was writing my text based paper, I chose my topic , Colorado’s crime, because I think it is something the everyone in the state of Colorado should be aware of. Also, I think that people that live in Colorado should be acquainted with different strategies to lower the crime rate. I think the readers will be my classmates and Professor Hill, but I would I hope that more Coloradoans should be familiar with the information I am presenting. When writing this essay, I chose a topic that I was interested in and that could be useful for others to know about. Initially, I started to research online and via library sources about crime in the United States and in Colorado. Once I got a good grip on that information, I started to write my essay. For me, it is easiest to write my introduction paragraph as a general outline for my essay. From there, I wrote my entire essay based on my introduction paragraph. Throughout the process of writing this piece, I had to make some changes due to the lack of information online about given topics. The peer review session we did in class was very helpful. My partner gave me a lot of good advice and critiques that made my essay significantly stronger. The class activities on style and editing was a good review, but I do not think I gained a lot of new information.

Mazurek_Portfolio_IntroductionDraft

The goal of the project for which I wrote my paper “The Sustainability Paradigm: Has the Shift Toward a Sustainable Future Reached The University of Denver’s Campus?” was to accomplish first hand research on a topic of interest to me and use that research to draw conclusions about that topic. I researched University of Denver student’s knowledge about and acceptance of sustainability issues on campus, specifically in regards to native grass species. I then used my research to discuss the overwhelming desire for a native, and thus sustainable, campus lawn.

The goal of the project for which I created my Google map entitled “A Generation of Change: The Revolutionary Mindset of Today’s College Students,” was to create a collaborative map that highlighted different “hotspots” that pertained to our group’s topic of research. My group focused on college student’s overwhelming acceptance to change in the areas of campus sustainability, tobacco and drug policies, school spirit, and religious decline. I chose to focus on campus sustainability, specifically the student movements toward native grass and local/organic food on campus. I conducted interviews and created a short video about student perspectives on native grass, which I have attached to the “Extra Artifacts” link of my portfolio.

Review for Text based - Ryan Biondo

My text-based paper could be significantly better. A major problem, is that I don't establish a very good focus on what the paper is actually about. Very much of the paper is about the history of music in general. This is useful information, in order to understand electronic music and it's history, and how it's gotten to this point. However, I spend much too much time unorganizingly going on about history. This isn't what the paper should be about at all. My paper is trying to be informative, but it has no purpose to argue any point, whether that be why there is so much critisism for electronic music, or why electronic music is booming in popularity in modern society. To fix these problems, I need to reorganize my paragraphs, especially the introductory paragraphs. They define my paper, and my argument. I also need to go in and strengthen my argument, and use supporting evidence.

Jennessa Lever In-Class Revision Exercise

For the Text-Based Research paper I plan on doing more analysis on my quotes and references. This will be done in order to help the reader understand more of where the author (myself) is coming from in the reasons I used to quotes and references I did. Through these revisions I hope to make sure that there is a common understanding between the reader and the author as to why the paper was written for more than the reason that it was assigned. Hopefully the paper will become better written and easily understandable through the revisions I will make. Through the increased analysis there will be greater knowledge of the topic distributed to the reader as they read the paper. Hopefully this will bring not just a greater understanding of the topic, but also a common interest for the reader to the topic being discussed. This is important for me as an author and a reader, to be able to relate to the topic at hand.

revisions, Brendan Hickey

There are many things I can correct on my papers for the portfolio. On my second paper I need to look at how I present my arguments when analyzing the data I gathered from my survey and from research. I used several specific examples and statistics without ever going into detail about how that effects the common views of immigration. Also, I failed to properly cite my sources in both papers, which I need to look for. I need to take examples from my research and connect it to my findings, in my immigration paper the research talks about current laws however I never discuss how the participants answers shed light on those laws.
In my mountain pine beetle paper I failed really go beyond simply explaining the current situation and its impact on Colorado. I need to go into further detail on how the public is impacted by this by getting away from facts and more into opinion.

AdriannaRomero_InClass_RevisionExercise

Adrianna Romero

After reading Revision Exercise Worksheet I have decided to work on the analysis part of my paper. I would like to start with the citations within my paper. Some of them are not exactly MLA style and they need to be revised. Taking a second look at the works cited part of my paper might also be helpful. Next, I feel like my qualitative paper does a fair job at presenting the results of my interviews but then does not develop the analysis very well. I need to go back and examine what my results mean and why the students may have responded in the way that they did. By looking at my analysis again, the discussion part of my paper would also improve. In all I feel like my paper is a fair introduction to my topic but it could be improved upon to be a more collective and comprehensive examination of student opinion.

In-Class Revision Ideas

My revision, if given the opportunity, would be the paper titled “Qualitative Study of Medicinal Marijuana and the University of Denver”. I feel like my main claim is not sufficient enough for my arguments. I did not let the reader know what the paper would initially entail. When revising this in the future, I need to make sure that I am concise in my thesis and that I relate it to all aspects of my paper. The weakest point of my paper is the review of literature, I feel as though I did not do enough to find relevant sources to my paper. Partly because of the scarcity of scholarly texts about medical marijuana, however I feel as though this would add clarity and ethos to my paper. To fix this, I could have searched other library in order to find valid research. Also, I need to work on correlating the different points in my paper, by connecting, chronologically, different ideas in your paper; you establish a certain amount of trust between you and your reader. Overall, I believe that the construction of this paper hindered its success, if I had used the paper’s structure to my advantage, I feel as though it would’ve been a better paper and it would’ve gotten the point across more clearly.

Eli Rosen-In Class Revision Exercise

For my portfolio, I will be revising my qualitative assignment. My qualitative assignment was on the University Of Denver student populations’ knowledge and actions on environmental issues. In this essay, I clearly state the main point of my research which summarizes the entire scope of my essay. However, I think that I could have done a better job when referring to others work and how the writer persuades. I did a good job of saying what he argues, but not necessarily how. I think if I re-read the article, it will become evident how he argues and all I need to do is explain that. Also, in my qualitative essay I wrote a fairly weak conclusion. I think that my conclusion was weak because instead of revisiting and making my argument stronger, I just summarized my essay. In order to change this, I will probably scrap most of the conclusion and try to rewrite it. Instead of reiterating my entire essay and just repeating myself, I will briefly visit he main point of my essay.

Kelly Terry In-Class Revision Ideas

For my text-based research project I researched the controversial issue of abortion. In my paper, I first discussed the history behind the legalization of abortion and the Roe v. Wade court decision that dealt with abortion. I am choosing to revise this paper for my Portfolio. My thesis sheds light on the difficulty that the decision to have an abortion entails and how the right to choose is included as a constitutional right. To revise, I should elaborate more as to what is included in my paper. I cover both sides to the issues and I should develop a “road map” at the beginning of my paper to let the reader know what I will discuss in my paper. I think that I use my research wisely and appropriately, but to revise it I can look deeper into my sources and make sure that I understandably describe how the author’s information is useful to my specific project. My final paragraph/conclusion uses an example of an incest victim and makes a final argument as to why women should have the right to choose no matter what. To revise this, I should revisit again the main arguments I made previously in my paper to strengthen my main points. I also should describe why these points are significant and noteworthy.