Review for Text based - Ryan Biondo

My text-based paper could be significantly better. A major problem, is that I don't establish a very good focus on what the paper is actually about. Very much of the paper is about the history of music in general. This is useful information, in order to understand electronic music and it's history, and how it's gotten to this point. However, I spend much too much time unorganizingly going on about history. This isn't what the paper should be about at all. My paper is trying to be informative, but it has no purpose to argue any point, whether that be why there is so much critisism for electronic music, or why electronic music is booming in popularity in modern society. To fix these problems, I need to reorganize my paragraphs, especially the introductory paragraphs. They define my paper, and my argument. I also need to go in and strengthen my argument, and use supporting evidence.