In class_Revision_Kelsie Cage

In my first paragraph I go back and forth stating different claims and making general observations, I need to directly state one claim and my opinion on the matter. I talk about a number of different assumptions but do not directly form a solid forming argument and address it. I should reorganize my thoughts and cut out all the wordy details. The diction I use is on the informal side and does not portray the correct wording for an argumentative paper. I need to make sure that I focus on my argument and provide clear examples. I tend to get wordy and fill in the body paragraphs with information that does not obtain to my main idea and argument. I provide good examples of both sides of my argument, but could go into more detail. I need to revise my work cited and do the correct labeling in my paper. For my conclusion I need to restate my claim and provide once more what my main argument is while summing up why I think the way I do.