in-class: Revisions- Sara Ach

I have begun revising my first research essay mainly for the “thesis/main claim”, in order to make the thesis more clear. My thesis itself was clear, but in my introductory paragraph it was not clear which sentence was my thesis. I would like to make this more clear, so there is no confusion on the reader’s behalf. To do so, I will create an introductory sentence that grabs the reader and draws them in, instead of simply going right into my thesis. I can then cut the thesis out that I used as my introductory sentence as well as my thesis, and combine it with the last sentence of that introductory paragraph. The last sentence was to serve as a conclusion, but in doing so I re-summarized my thesis. Because of this, I can combine my original thesis with this conclusion sentence that could also serve as my thesis, and create a clear and concise thesis, and have it be extremely clear to my reader which part of my introduction paragraph is my thesis.