Zachary Baca text based revision

While reading over my paper I realize that I am just talking through what I thought education had as shortfalls. I was not relying on my research to keep myself on track. In order to keep the idea of a research paper alive I need to reference my sources more. I don’t have any reason why I can talk about these things without anything to back myself up with academic sources. Also, my argument becomes skewed towards the end of my paper. This comes from not really knowing what I am trying to prove what I am trying to say. With more research I will be able to finally list off the problems with education that need to be fixed first. My conclusion comes with a new idea, if this idea was expanded on during the paper then that would make my argument stronger. The paper is very weak, a lot of work to do but I have the bones, I have the hard stuff I just need to mold the clay around it to get my piece of art that the final piece will be.