Dear Reader,
This essay is about a qualitative study that I performed about the knowledge and acceptance among students of the University of Denver, of converting the campus’ grass into a native grass species such as buffalo grass. I discuss previous research in order to illustrate the necessity of this conversion and to provide you with some background information regarding the topic. My purpose is to discover the extent to which DU students care about, are knowledgeable about, and are accepting to sustainability initiatives on campus. My readers will be college students. It is my hope that this qualitative essay will inform and inspire students to take the initiative to help make their campus more sustainable.
I chose this topic because sustainability is a major interest of mine and the current grass on DU’s campus requires a very unsustainable amount of watering and fertilizers. I began by researching the unsustainable practice of maintaining a non-native lawn. I then conducted my research by having students participate in a questionnaire regarding their views on the importance of sustainability, their knowledge of unsustainable practices in DU’s campus, and their acceptance to sustainability initiatives on campus.
Peer revisions and class activities helped me by pointing out areas where poor sentence structure and other grammar related issues were present. They also helped me by broadening my perspective on the issue and by giving me multiple perspectives.
Thank you,
Jared Mazurek
In general, your process draft is clear and effective. I understand your topic and your interest in the issue. You clearly state your research proposal of the essay, "My purpose is to discover the extent to which DU students care about, are knowledgeable about, and are accepting to sustainability initiatives on campus." However, the word choice and placement in this sentence could be adjusted to make the sentence even clearer. You are very precise when you describe your topic and your description of the actions you took while writing your essay, "I began by researching.." "I then conducted my research..." From your process note, I can judge that your writing is clear and understandable. To improve, you could shorten your sentences (there are a few very long sentences) and maybe including a little background knowledge about the buffalo grass (or the grass that you are specifically studying). Your essay right now consists of an outline and an introduction which so far are consistent with the goals described in your process note.
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