Monday, April 25, 2011
Jennessa Lever Process Draft
The purpose of my paper is to determine the reasons for why students choose to participate in Greek Life. There are many incentives to choosing this type of college lifestyle. You are guaranteed a social life, friends are introduced to you, and after college it could lead to job opportunities. I will use questionnaires to gather the reasons people joined Greek Life, and why they decided to stay a part of it. This topic is of particular interest to me because I am considering joining Greek Life next year for the benefits it provides its members. Many times my friends are able to go to Greek Events while I am forced to simply study, and I know that through their Greek connections they will be able to get a job straight out of college. Many influential people have been Greek thus it is possible that it could be worth everyone’s while to find out if that is true. This paper delves into this mystery.
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At the end it is a little vague as to what you are talking about. When you say, "it could be worth everyone's while to find out if that is true," it gets a little confusing. By "that" do you mean that greeks can get a job right out of college because of their connections? Second, when you say, "it is possible that it could be worth everyone's while to find out if that is true," it is also a little vague. I think that you should cut out most of the indefinite parts of this sentence, such as the "it is POSSIBLE that it COULD," and just say one of them. Also, I feel like it would just be a little more in depth and more clear if you described why it would be worth everyone's while, as before you were talking about the personal relation to this paper, and how it would help you in deciding whether or not to be greek. Some people won't become greek no matter if it gives them job opportunities or not, so I think that it would be interesting, if you decide to keep the "everyone" part, to show why it would be worth everyone's while, even though some people do not care to know because they simply will not be a part of greek life. If not, I think you should refine this to just saying that it would be great for you personally to know. I enjoyed the first part; your purpose, why you chose the topic, and how you will go about answering the question is very clear. I only suggest you write using only your personal interest as an example in the second half, or describe why it would be beneficial to everyone because having the two of them together in the paragraph feels contradictory.
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